Mind Your Mobile Manners

Or 'How not to be another dick with a smart phone'.

I recently caught up a little bit with the modern age when I inherited my Dad's old touch screen phone, as my beloved flip phone had started to fail a little in its old age (sob!). When I rang up Orange to tell them I had a new phone the woman seemed very surprised that I didn't want to add an internet tariff to my bill, going so far as "Well if you do you can go on Facebook for free rather than it charging you". I assured her that this won't be a problem and she sounded very weirded out by the fact that I use my phone as, primarily, a phone. I don't care if I can't get on the internet on it, I like to be able to phone people and text people and that's all I really need. Sure, it's nice to be able to take photos and have a calculator in my pocket too, but I mainly use my mobile as a communications device. Shocking, I know. I really don't like this smart phone culture, where you need to have everything in your pocket all the time, and be able to instantly access YOUR ENTIRE LIFE through your phone. You don't. I have so many pet hates when it comes to the way people use their phones, and I know I'm not alone because I've read blogs like this one before. I'd like to lay them out here so you can nod along in silent agreement too.*

Don't play music on your phone in public, unless there is a specific reason for you to. This mainly seems to apply to chavvy types around the ages of 12-16, but they are ALWAYS on my buses. I don't want to hear whatever passes for music these days, especially not if I can hear it OVER MY HEADPHONES. If I am listening to my mp3 player then I shouldn't be able to hear Rhianna's latest tune blaring out over the top of my own music. And even if I am not, it's rude and inconsiderate and downright annoying. Stop it, stop it now. 

Don't leave your phone switched on (even if it is on silent!) in the theatre or cinema. And if you do have to, leave it in your POCKET/BAG! I once sat through a whole film in the cinema with the two surly teenagers next to me on their phones the whole time. They weren't even looking at the screen, just down at their laps. Why pay to get in if you aren't going to enjoy it? Plus for the people sitting nearby, the lights emitted by the fairly sizeable screens were a persistent distraction throughout the whole thing, which somewhat spoiled it for me as well. And it's even worse in a theatre. You're supposed to be enjoying this most ancient of art forms and losing yourself in the magic of the story, when actually you're just annoying EVERYONE around you. Just switch it off and allow yourself to be un-contactable for 3 hours. If that's too hard, just wait til the interval, the world won't end.

You really don't need to have Facebook/Twitter on your phone. Stop tagging yourself into every new place you go, stop instantly uploading photos, stop tweeting everything you see on the street. Your friends will survive without updates from you for a few hours, and it might be a novel experience for you to actually live a little, rather than methodically documenting every aspect of your life. A massive pet hate of mine is when, in a lull in conversation, the phones automatically come out and everyone checks Facebook. Can you not bear to not know what's happening in all the lives of your friends for this one moment? Would it not be a bit less rude/a bit more conducive to keeping this living breathing friendship alive for you to not suddenly check your phone as if my presence isn't enough to keep your brain from getting bored, without inputs from your virtual life? It's really inconsiderate and it kills the natural art of conversation-if you stopped speaking to someone you used to exist in easy silence or find a new topic to discuss, but no longer!

If you're at a gig/concert don't film the WHOLE thing on your mobile. Yes I understand you have oodles of virtual storage space that you don't know what to do with. Yes, I know that you want to keep a memory alive of how amazing this evening was-I get it. And I'm not saying don't film your favourite bits, or take photos, but just don't watch the whole thing from behind a 6inch screen. How is that enjoying the music, the atmosphere? That's producing a documentary. You can't even move around to the music because it'll blur. Put it away, we all know that the sound quality will render the song unrecognisable, and I bet the person stood behind you will be grateful too.

Please please turn off the sound of the keys when you type. Having to listen to your text tone every 3 seconds is bad enough, but taptaptaptappytaptaptaptaptapppitytaptap to go with it is infuriating. It serves no function except to annoy other people. Switch it off.

The worst thing is that even though I have listed 5 annoying habits of smart phone users, this is only the tip of the iceberg, there are so many more. And I know that inevitably I am going to have to join the ranks one day, when they stop making decent phones with proper buttons all together. And I'll probably be just as bad as everyone else by then, and we'll all forget how to talk to people properly without having a pair of machines between us, and no-one will ever laugh but will only say "LOL" like a robot. It's like the world is addicted to its technology, and no-one can prise it away. It does make me a little bit sad sometimes. And then my phone chirrups that I have a text and I forget all about it for a while. So yeah, I'm a hypocrite, but at least, for now, I'm not a smart-phone Dick.

-Jenni-

*Or alternatively pour scorn and hatred upon me with your death-ray like eyes.