Awesome Things VII

-People who go above and beyond to give fabulous customer service
The other day I went into a branch of Subway and caught the guy behind the counter rocking out to Bon Jovi's 'Living on a Prayer' which was on the radio. He noticed me standing there and looked up sheepishly to find me grinning at him. Whilst he was making my sandwich we had an awesome conversation about music and our favourite bands (Him-Hendrix, me-Queen) and as I left he told me to "Keep rocking on". He seriously made my day just by being that little bit more awesome.

-Having something you've looked forward to for ages happen
Whether it's just that your holiday has finally rocked around, or that gig for that band you really like, or just something as simple as getting to see that person you're missing again, it's always really awesome when something you've been excitedly anticipating for ages actually arrives so you can finally enjoy it. It's probably made all the more awesome for the wait too, isn't it?

-When you get to the bus stop at exactly the right moment
You know, when you get there and look up and see the bus in the distance approaching. Knowing you don't have to wait at all and also realising that you timed it perfectly to not miss it is awesome.

-Your best friends adding your other half on Facebook
This happened to me recently-my best mate added my new boyfriend on FB and it made me feel brilliant. It kinda says to me that she thinks that it's going to last long enough for her to bother getting to know him and also that she approves of him enough to want to see him in her newsfeed. It doesn't sound like much but considering it never happened in my previous relationship, it's an awesome thing, trust me.

-Welsh accents
I LOVE a good Welsh accent, I think they're fabulous. There's something about the sing-song-ness of it that just makes it sound like the happiest accent in the world. Whenever I hear someone with a strong welsh accent it just makes me happy too.

What's been making your day in the smallest of ways this month?

-Jenni-

Previous instalments: 

One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Autumnal Edition

Book 2/65-What She Saw, Lucinda Rosenfeld

I have to confess that I rather enjoyed 'What She Saw'-most probably because I, like the main character, am a 20-something woman who has been in relationships, and I could easily understand her world and the story through her eyes. The book follows Phoebe Fine through her adventures in life as she tries not to disappoint the people in it, most of all herself. Each chapter deals with a different boy from Phoebe's life-from her first crush to first kiss to first sexual experiences to her first love and first broken heart, and so we see her grow up throughout the book. We see her ever changing cycle of best friends and how she changes from awkward 5th grader to awkward teen to awkward 24 year old. It's very easy to relate to, quite funny and sometimes desperately sad. I reckon a lot of women my sort of age will see something of themselves in Phoebe Fine-whether it's the desperate searching for love in all the wrong places, or the neverquite learning where you fit in society, or just the hopelessness you feel when you don't know in which direction your life will end up taking you. It definitely feels familiar-if you haven't been a Phoebe Fine at some point then you'll definitely have known (at least) one.

I like the way it ends too-it finishes abruptly and with no real definitive ending. After all, she's only just 24, does anyone really have their life sorted by then? (Actually, don't answer that.) It leaves you free to imagine what might happen-maybe she'll learn to love herself better and find her dream man, maybe she'll keep de-evolving and disintegrating forever-who knows? I like the not knowing, I like that we don't get a "happy ever after" ending, because life never just ties off that neatly in reality. And as a woman in my early 20s with no real sense of purpose in my life, I find that oddly reassuring. I'll definitely be making space on my bookshelf for this one.

Memorable Quote: 'She wanted him to be the sunshine to her clouds, she couldn't handle the idea that he had weather patterns of his own, and that he contained within himself the makings of a downpour and possibly even a monsoon.' -In Spitty Clark, pg 124

-Jenni-

A Flying Visit To The Fringe-Part IV

Show 8-Blind Mirth Improv Comedy

[Source-Ed Fringe Site]

As I mentioned in Part II, I am fascinated with Improv Comedy because it's something I could never do and I think people who can do it well are veritable geniuses. I have to be honest, I selected Blind Mirth for two reasons-because they had good reviews and also because my friends could get in for free with their venue passes so I knew someone would come with me. I mean improv can always be a bit hit and miss-it's usually either really good or terrible so I didn't want to go on my own and then it be terrible. I really shouldn't have worried-these guys were excellent. All students at the University of St Andrews, they're young and full of energy and really funny. They interact well with their audiences and have a range of improv games which are all designed with laughter in mind. The first half of the show was short-form games, with quick fire suggestions from the audience that were incorporated into the ridiculousness. Particular highlights for me was the 'Late for work' game where a performer was sent outside and upon his return had to guess what job he was late for and why he was late. Me and my boyfriend had the excellent pair of suggestions that he was late for his job as a chainsaw juggler because he had been kidnapped by pirates (because we're an awesome team) and the resulting mimes were pretty daft. Another game required them to ask for books/scripts/large chunks of texts from the audience and my boyfriend provided the 'Titus Edinburgh Survival Guide' which was then used to great comic effect.
The second half of the show was long-form sketches, which got more and more ridiculous as they went on-but without losing their humour. The performers cleverly referenced previous sketches and one-off comments too, which was awesome because it made you feel like you had in-jokes with them that you would have to be there to understand. I laughed so much-they are a troupe of really funny fellows and you can tell they were having as much fun as their audience were. It's a shame they're in such a small venue really, because I think they could definitely sell to larger ones and still have just as much fun-although the intimacy really helped with the humour at times. Fab fab fab, destined for great things, I reckon.

Show 9-Abominations

[Source-Ed Fringe Site]

As this was my last show of the 2013 Fringe (sigh), I was hoping for good things-and I wasn't disappointed. A cast of 4 (plus a guy on a keyboard) playing hundreds of different characters and all with no set, costumes or scenery sounds like an interesting premise for a show, but it was pulled off ingeniously. This show had everything any self respecting science geek could ask for-evil scientists, machines capable of creating superheros (or just giant chickens), madness, robots, kittens and cobrangowolves. You had to be there. It was fast paced and high energy and despite the fact that they weren't interacting with anything at all, you could easily follow who was playing whom and where there were things and what they were doing. Who needs scenery when you have actors?! It was a smattering of (decidedly dodgy) science, some excellent one liners ("He just lost a game of Rock-Paper-Robot!" "That's a whisk?.." / "IT'S NOT A WHISK!") and some brilliant physical comedy combining to make a thoroughly enjoyable show. I wouldn't say it had a happy ending, but I sure did laugh a lot. If you like your comedy-shows to be packed with dubious science and excellent acting, move at a face pace and have the day saved by invisible kittens (yes, you read that correctly) then this is exactly the show you should have seen. However if you're reading this now then I'm afraid you're too late, better luck next year. Alternatively hop into your time machine and pedal like mad, with any luck you'll make it in time for yesterday's show!
An excellent way to round off my Fringe adventures for this year, I reckons.

So that was it, my bonkers 40 hours of awesomeness and theatre and madness. I walked a lot (often at high speeds between venues), was veryvery tired, spent a lot of money on 9 shows in 2 days,  but most importantly laughed a hell of a lot. When I left (at 5:48 AM Wednesday morning no less), so much of me wanted to stay behind and see more-see it all, but the sensible parts of my brain (and the bits that knew how much I had left in my bank account) knew that this was nothing but a futile dream, and reality always comes along to spoil them in the end. I can't tell you how strange it feels to be on my own again after a month or so of constantly being around people, and time really seems to drag by. Luckily though, even as you read this, I'm visiting a friend in Devon, so the fun hasn't stopped yet.

I'll catch up with you again soon, but until then, tarrah!

-Jenni-

Blind Mirth are on at Paradise in the Vault (Venue #29) at 20:45 until the 26th. Tickets are £6. More details here.
Sadly the Abominations have finished their run, boo!
Why not drown your sorrows by going to see Titus, the show some of  my friends are performing in-a dark comedy adaptation of Shakespeare's Titus Andronicus. Paradise in the Kirkhouse (Venue #155) at 5pm until the 26th. Tickets are £8/£7 conc. More details here.

A Flying Visit To The Fringe-Part III

Show 5-Bec Hill-Bec By Popular Demand

[Source-Ed Fringe site]

Before I start let me direct you to this video. No really, just take a couple of minutes to go watch it, I won't mind.
OK, are you back? Good.
That video, which I found randomly on some corner of the Internet last year is the reason I wanted to see Bec Hill-because I think it's fabulous. I couldn't get last year for whatever reason (probably financial) so I made sure to put her straight on my list this time around. A combination of her signature 'paper puppetry' and drawings and some stand up too, her show was very funny and I'm really glad I got to go. As an ex-Scout, I also really enjoyed the bit where she taught the audience a camp fire song complete with silly actions-I don't even care if everyone else was utterly confused, I loved it. I think it's a shame that the audience was so small because Bec Hill is a real treat to watch and people are definitely missing out on something really awesome.

Show 6-The Comedian's Comedian with Sarah Millican

[Source-Ed Fringe site]

This was a last minute decision of mine-I bought the ticket on the way in to Bec Hill as they were (happy co-incidence) in the same venue. I had originally planned to see a free show elsewhere but decided that this would be rather interesting, plus I love the Millican so was easily swayed. The Comedians' Comedian, presented by Stuart Goldsmith doesn't promise to be funny-it's a "documentary" show rather than stand-up but I was still pretty amused because Sarah Millican is one funny lady. It was really interesting too because it gave us the opportunity to hear a little about the behind the scenes stuff of being a fairly famous comedian and her ideas on how to do the Fringe properly, how she writes, why she started-all that stuff. It was quite personal and it felt like we were seeing beyond the famous face to the real person underneath-although they are remarkably similar really. She was very candid and also very amusing, swearing like a trooper which I'm sure will be a nightmare to edit around. Although this wasn't a laugh a minute comedy show like the others I've seen, I still really enjoyed it because it gave me an opportunity to get to know one of my favourite comedians a little better, and have a miniature fangirl moment over the fact that in answering my question we had a mini conversation-yay! It was really interesting and I will definitely be checking out some of the other pod casts when they get uploaded to the site to hear what some other famous faces have to say.

Show 7-Ant Dewson: Now That's What I Call Musical Comedy

[Source-Ed Fringe Site]

We weren't expecting great things when we finally found the room that Ant Dewson was to perform in (we'd practically searched every inch of the pub and nearly gave up before we did!) as it was about the size of a stationary cupboard or walk in wardrobe, and had seats laid out for 20 when there should only have really been 16. I mean it wasn't what you would call grand or anything, and as part of the free fringe anything could have happened. It didn't really look promising-a man with a keyboard and a fan, and a slightly trepidatious smile who informed us that he was just going to nip downstairs and see if he could drum up some more interest. Me and my boyfriend exchanged looks-this could have been a very tedious hour...
Luckily though, it really wasn't! Dewson started by handing out chocolate to all his audience, which is a definite plus in my book and then launched into a self-depreciating song about how small his room was and the show he was performing. His songs were very funny, very rude and although the tunes were fairly indistinct from each other, the lyrics had me howling with laughter (which was awkward in that tiny room at times!). They were on a broad range of subjects from love to Carol Vorderman, being under 30 (and knowing bugger all), to a particularly disturbing song about necrophilia and everything in between. There was even a dance break in the middle where, sweat band on forehead, he made us get up and do an aerobics style work out to stretch our legs-it was all very silly but I don't think anyone minded really. For what presented as a dubious gig in a near-impossible-to-find cupboard, I'm glad we took a gamble on Ant Dewson and his funny songs as it was actually a really amusing hour.

Part III over and out, look out for Part IV soon.

-Jenni-

Bec Hill  is on at the Gilded Balloon (Venue #14) at 16:00 until the 25th. Tickets are £8/£7 conc. More details here.
The Comedian's Comedian is on at the Gilded Balloon (Venue #14) at 17:15 until the 26th, interviewing a different comedian each day. Tickets are £9/£8 conc. More details are here and the list of comics is here.
Ant Dewson is on at the Free Sisters (Venue #272) at 19:15 until the 25th. For reference he's in the room called 'The Staff Room' at the back of the pub and up the stairs. Bring thin friends if there's more than 2 of you. Free entry (and chocolate if you're lucky!) More info here.
Don't forget Titus, the show some of  my friends are performing in-a dark comedy adaptation of Shakespeare's Titus Andronicus. Paradise in the Kirkhouse (Venue #155) at 5pm until the 26th. Tickets are £8/£7 conc. More details here.

A Flying Visit To The Fringe-Part II

Show 3-The Showstoppers' Improvised Musical

[Source-Ed Fringe Site]

Well this was a fabulously fun way to round off the evening of my first day at the Fringe. I have to admit that I am truly fascinated by improv comedy because it's just not something I think I could ever do-my brain doesn't work in the right way! So the idea of not only improv-ing dialogue but both music and songs on top of that was too good to pass up for me. I wasn't really sure exactly what to expect but what I got was fabulous.
Dressed entirely in red and black (to match the set), there was a troupe of 6 performers-4 men and 2 women-plus an evil overlord narrator type who was playing the role of "script writer". When the show began, it was only the script writer on the stage, "on the phone" to his producer who was demanding another new musical from him. He cast out to the audience for suggestions of places where the musical could be set as well as ideas for musical styles/song writers for the cast to emulate. And thus "In The Jungle, The Flighty Jungle" was born-a musical set in a random jungle where a Concord flight had just crash landed, with song styles taken from 'Into the Woods', 'Abba', 'Tim Minchin' (suggestion courtesy of my other half, who was very pleased with himself), 'Cabaret' and a random musical no-one had heard of that was described as 'Latin, Hip-Hop, Pop, RnB and Rap'-y'know, because improving a musical from scratch isn't hard enough already.
And somehow, it worked. The cast were full of energy and were coming up with some very amusing stuff, as well as some fabulous songs-songs in full harmony, with dance routines, all from the top of their heads. It was pretty incredible to watch and I have no idea how something like this is actually possible, but clearly it is!
The story did get a little convoluted along the way, and was nudged in certain directions by the 'script writer' from time to time whenever he felt like he wanted to explore a certain theme more. It was really good fun-funny and fast paced and pretty damn amazing-they even managed to create songs in each of the musical styles set by the audience which was hilarious! (Especially the latin-hip-hop-pop-rnb-rap song!). Highlights for me personally were the terrible Australian accents (as girlfriend of an Aussie this is pretty damn amusing to me) and the fact that I came out singing the finale song at the end-a song that had previously not existed. I can still remember a couple of them now-which I think is a sign that the Showstoppers are doing their jobs properly. It was an hour and a half of madness and chaos and wonder and fabulous songs and great laughs. I for one am very glad I went!

Day 2

[Source- Ed Fringe Site]

Show 4-Pussyfooting
This was a show that I had only heard of because a friend of mine directed and is starring in it-and it isn't something I would have probably chosen to see otherwise. However I'm really glad I did because although I cannot claim to fully understand it, I really enjoyed myself. Don't let the frankly disturbing promotional picture put you off-it was very well written, acted and put together. It's the story of a girl whose feet have lives of their own-and they're taking over her life to weird and almost disastrous ends. I laughed a lot-the show is very clearly aimed at people my sort of age and has lots of pop culture references as well as jokes about student debt and how graduate jobs just aren't all they're cracked up to be. Alongside the humour though were darker moments which didn't feel out of place but oddly fitting-I mean yes the idea that your feet can control you is pretty silly but that doesn't mean that there isn't a dark side to it too.
The energy of the 5-strong cast was fab and I'm quite sure they must be exhausted by now (they've been performing all month) but you couldn't tell at all. The physical acting was spot on too-you really believed that their feet were stuck to the floor or that they weren't in control of their own movements as they jerked about erratically, feet fully in charge. I loved the simplicity of the set and costumes too-simple black clothes with a 'chalk outline' detailing, and all the props and set were drawn onto chalkboards by the cast at the start of the show which was really actually quite fun to watch-especially as they didn't stop moving throughout.
The whole show was very well put together and was really enjoyable. I mean sure, it was a little bit weird and I'm not sure I totally understand the ending but that didn't detract from it at all and I came out with my ribs firmly tickled from laughing. Plus any show that offers ticket holders a free pair of socks on the way in is most certainly all right by me!

4 down, 5 more to go, so come back soon!

-Jenni-


The Showstoppers are on at the Gilded Balloon (Venue #14) at 22:30 until the 25th. Tickets are £13.50/£12.50 conc. More details here.
Pussyfooting is on at 13:20 at C Aquila (Venue #21) until the 26th. Tickets are £8.50/£6.50 conc. More details here.

A Flying Visit To The Fringe-Part I

So somehow, almost accidentally, I ended up visiting the Edinburgh Fringe festival this week for 40 hours of madness, theatre and sleep deprivation. It was actually pretty awesome because I got to experience a tiny slice of the madness and frivolity and fun that the Fringe generates but from the other side of the curtain this time. If I could have afforded to stay longer I would have done in a heartbeat because it was magic and manic and all kinds of awesome-Edinburgh in Fringe time has this wonderful atmosphere and it's very easy to get captivated and swept along in that (Although it's a pain and a half if you're trying to get somewhere quickly-like from one venue to another-because no-one is in a hurry at the Fringe, and you always end up stuck on a narrow street behind a group of dawdlers.).

I thought I'd let you know what I got up to whilst I was up there over the next couple of posts-and if you're around the Fringe you should definitely check out some of these fabulous shows if you can too!

Show 1-Piracy! Comedy on the High C's! 

[Source-Ed Fringe Site]

Piracy! was thoroughly silly and I really enjoyed myself as I was watching the nautical (and naughty!) adventures. From the moment the house opened to the audience, the chorus members were on stage singing sea shanties and piratical ballads, which really helped set the scene of being on a creaky old ship out at sea, far from home.
The story was a familiar one-the British Navy vs the tyrannical piratical buccaneers but told with a song in its heart and the odd twist or three you wouldn't normally expect. Plus there was an abundance of lady pirates showing that what they lack in facial hair they make up for in sword fighting ability and ruthless cut-throatedness.
There were plenty of swashes being buckled and main braces being spliced (whatever that means) and a good deal of, ahem, inter-faction diplomatic "relations" taking place and the whole thing was very funny. I think this is one of those shows that would get described by reviewers as "a romp"-and I can understand why-it was light hearted, very fun and thoroughly enjoyable. The songs were funny and well performed and the cast were clearly loving being there as much as the audience, which always goes to make an excellent time for all.
I wanted to come up with a witty Piratical pun to end this but all my attempts have been pretty feeble, so I shall spare you the agony. You'll have to invent your own, I'm afraid!

Show 2-The Mechanisms-Ulysses Dies At Dawn

[Source-Ed Fringe Site]

This was, co-incidentally, another show featuring a band of pirates, only these were of the Immortal Space
variety-and there was certainly no swashbuckling to be seen here. The Mechanisms had been recommended to me many times by friends of mine (who happen to know the guys in the band) and I'd never gotten around to seeing them before now-but boy am I a convert! They're a 7(ish) piece band of awesome steampunk wonderfulness, who describe their act as 'storytelling musical cabaret' which probably says it better than I could. The members are all in character as crew of the spaceship Aurora who as immortal space pirates have 'seen many strange things'. This show is just one of their epic tales-a magical weaving of dark narration and lyrically wonderful songs to which I wouldn't dare to try and assign a genre to. It's the tale of Ulysses, a broken war hero who can't escape the torture of their memories and the tale of their final hour (we don't discover the gender of our hero-only that they were 'black, beautiful and had a pair of cold blue eyes that couldn't hide the things they'd seen'.).
The songs are all brilliant-mostly fairly gritty and dark but they're all as different as the voices that sing them-some of which blew me away because they're amazing. This whilst playing several instruments, and each playing a role in the story they're telling-they're a pretty talented bunch.
It was the story, though, that really captured me-tangled me up in the excellent narration and descriptions that took my imagination to a world I'd never seen before. Although my eyes knew I was sat in a low lit basement bar watching a gig, my mind was in another place entirely-I could just perfectly imagine what was being described as if I was there, as if it were me. It was just magical. The story is dark and the songs tied in perfectly to introduce us to all the characters and the reasons they had ended up there and why they were doing the things they were doing. I couldn't help but get caught up in the whole thing as it reached its dramatic conclusion-which even though it's predicted in the title of the show, I wasn't entirely anticipating, and the ending was beautiful.
Ulysses Dies At Dawn is a tale of folklore from a time and place a long way from our own, sprinkled with a smattering of Greek mythology (but not enough to confuse) set to the backing of a grimy, bluesy, jazzy, folky score which repeatedly sent shivers down my spine. In short? It was MAGNIFICENT and I look forward to seeing The Mechanisms again and again.

That's all for today, but I have another 7 shows to write up so be sure to come back soon!

-Jenni-

Piracy! is on at 15:15 at The Space @Venue 45 until the 24th. Tickets are £9.50/£7.50 conc. More details here.
The Mechanisms are performing at Whynot (Venue 327) at 17:30 until the 24th. Free entry. More details here.
The guys I went up with are also performing in Titus, a dark comedy version of Titus Andronicus and you should check them out too. They're on at 17:00 at Paradise in the Kirkhouse (Venue 155) until the 26th. Tickets are £8/£7 conc. More details here.

Book 4/65-The Secret History, Donna Tartt

Again, I can only apologise for my absence from blogging over the last week. I was hanging out with my boyfriend and having too much of a nice time to spend much time on the internet, so lapsed a little on the blog front.

The Secret History is a story about those sort of friendships you make whilst at college or university-the ones that form out of the unique pressures that you find yourself in in that situation. We are told the tale through the eyes of Richard Papen-who grew up in an ugly suburban town in California, longing for somewhere more beautiful and who settled on Hampden College, Vermont simply because he liked the pictures in the promotional brochure. He studies Greek under the very elitist and somewhat eccentric Julian Morrow-so elitist in fact that Richard becomes one of only 6 students under him. He soon falls in with his fellows and the story follows their friendship over a year or so of "study" (surprisingly little is mentioned of it) and the dramatic events that brings them all closer together than ever and then ultimately shatters them apart again.

Did I enjoy it? Hard to say really. I did recognise the feelings of being an outsider desperate to get in with a group and the elation when they finally start to accept you as one of them, but don't we all? I also liked the familiar way that the friendships were described-everything is more intense than usual at uni because life is placing its pressures on you at the time and I think anyone who has been a student will understand something of that. I can't say I fell for any of the characters though-they were all written in a way that made them rather dislikeable-all fiendishly clever  (to the point where you know they would look down your nose at you) but with character faults that I certainly wouldn't want in my friends-neurotic, manipulative, possessive, a money leech, incredibly selfish etc. They didn't get under my skin in the same way that some characters in some books do, and I found myself utterly unmoved by the terrible events that befell them-I was certainly a long way from heartbroken.

Tartt also does something I really hate in books-where the course of a year or so takes up most of the 600+ pages and then all the messy ends are neatly tied up in the last 20 pages in a 'some years later' sort of way. (Think Harry Potter 7's awful final chapter if you don't get what I mean). I'd almost rather be left wondering what happened to the characters than have their stories clipped so neatly and abruptly at the end.

For that, I think 'The Secret History' is well written and does capture the spirit of being away at university very well-the hedonism, the friendships, the loneliness, the way you don't really feel part of the real world etc. On the other hand though, the casual way that the darker parts of the story are revealed by the characters-delusions, alcoholism, incest and even murder-as if they are nothing more important than a change in the season jars heavily with me and makes it feel a little unreal. It's just not a story that feels like it could happen in real life, but it's trying very hard to convince you otherwise, that this is just a normal bunch of teenagers doing normal student things, and for me it seemed to take a step too far in the other direction in doing so.
Will it end up on my bookshelf to be read again? Almost certainly not. I didn't find myself able to care for the characters and the story left me pretty cold, and as it's some 600+ pages long it takes far too long to actually tell for my liking.

For me, at least,  'The Secret History' should remain just a secret.

-Jenni-

Err, You Like A BOY!

-This is a pre-scheduled post as I am currently away from the Internet visiting a friend-

I actually wrote this post a couple of months ago and it's not strictly relevant to my life right now, but I rather liked it and also think it provides a bit of back story to the stuff that is going on in it currently. I didn't post it at the time because I didn't want the world and his wife to know what was in my head but now it doesn't really matter because everyone important knows now. Anyway, onwards:

I'd forgotten what it was like to fancy someone. You know, school girl giggly, resisting the urge to doodle their name everywhere kind of fancy someone. I'd forgotten how fun it could be-I never had this with my last ex-it took me so long to realise that I actually liked him that I missed out on all these enjoyable bits and I'd forgotten them all. To fall asleep thinking about them because you can't get them off your mind, to dream about them and then to wake up and have them spring into your thoughts before anything else. When you like someone for no other reason than because they are them it sends you just a little bit mad, in a good way of course, but I had forgotten quite how much this was the case. I'd forgotten how you start to expect every Facebook message, every text to be from them, even if they have no reason to be contacting you at all, and though you try not to you feel a smidgeon of disappointment when it's not them-every time. I'd forgotten how you over analyse everything they say and do to try and work out if they like you too or if you're just seeing things that aren't there because you want them to be so badly. You find yourself talking about them all the time even though the conversation isn't relevant and you can turn any situation into a thought about them through some weird steps of logic that only you could possibly understand. You get so tangled in your own head that you can't tell what's just having a flirty friendship and what's actual flirting-can't tell what's actually there and what's in your head, can't tell if they're feeling this madness too or if it's all going to end in tears-for you at least.

And then if you are brave enough to ever tell them, if you're lucky enough then they just might feel the same and then there's a whole other lunacy to contend with. There's the delicious sense of expectation between the point where you admit that you like one another and your first kiss-you're existing in a sort of limbo state between not being anyone's 'person' and belonging to them-somewhere between 'single' and 'taken'. Your imagination (if it's anything like mine) will run riot imagining all the things that you might do together. You don't know what their kisses feel like, what they look like naked, where you'll go or what you'll do or even who you'll be together, so you imagine them all a hundred different ways. All these stories, all these unknowns play out in your head every night stopping you from going to sleep and it's hard even to mind because they're wonderful-you're in them, they're in them and a host of new things that are as yet unknown to you. You start to memorise all the things about them that make you like them-the way that they smile, the colour of their eyes when the sunlight hits them, the things they say that make you laugh. You start collecting all those random, useless pieces of information that you acquire about someone you know really well-their middle name and their shoe size, their favourite colour, the name of that band they really like-all stuff that is entirely pointless but you can't help but remember it anyway, because it all adds to the picture of them you keep in your mind. You remember the way they look at you-really look at you-like they never want to stop looking at you, like they're committing your face to their memory (and they probably are) and you know that you have the exact same intense expression on your face too.

You can't help but feel like a teenager waiting for your first kiss all over again-you just want to claim them as your own by smushing your faces together, just to end the terrible, wonderful anticipation of it all. You're nervous and excited and every time you think about them you can't help but smile, a huge great grin across your face that tells everyone around exactly who's on your mind. You constantly allow yourself to get lost in the could-bes, might-happens and unknowns because they make you happy, you keep imagining how it's going to feel the first time they kiss you, what might happen the first time you go to bed together, what it will feel like for you to be theirs, for them to be yours. 

You know when you fancy someone-really fancy someone, when you can't get them off your mind and wouldn't want to for a second? I reckon that's the greatest kind of madness.

-Jenni-