Friday, 31 January 2014

Putting The 'Living' Back In My Life

So on Monday the thing I've been wanting for so long finally, finally, happens. After viewing what feels like hundreds of houses-some of them nice, some of them not so nice-after being repeatedly turned down or just never contacted again, after getting my hopes up only to have them dashed, I am finally moving back to the city that possesses my heart, the place that is home more than anywhere else for me.

While on the one hand, I'm elated because this what I've wanted to do basically since I graduated, I'm also a little bit terrified! This move represents me MOVING OUT-actually leaving my parent's house for good and never (hopefully) going back again-and that's pretty scary. For while I know that there will always be a place for me here, it will cease to be my home, my sanctuary, my safe place. I've lived here for my whole life (except when I was at uni) and I've done so much within these four walls-I've laughed, I've loved and I've cried-and now I'm saying goodbye. After this, it'll never quite be the same again, coming back here, the balance will have shifted slightly and I'll always be a visitor rather than someone who lives here. It'll still be the same old house but nothing at all will be the same. It all feels a bit strange somehow, to be leaving.

This move also means that I am going to have to join the ranks of what I've been referring to for the past year and a half as "real people"-people who have a job and pay rent and bills and who are entirely responsible for their own lives. I'm going to have to finally be a grown up and do all of these things for myself rather than spending my time in my pyjamas watching tele. And again, one part of me is relishing the idea of all that independence and autonomy, and the other half is scared because this all means I'm stepping out without a safety net, no parents to help me out this time, it's all on me.

It's fair to say I'm having somewhat mixed feelings about everything. Overall though, I have to say I'm excited because it means I can finally kick start my life again. I can start to do all the things that have been on hold almost since I left uni-I can get back on stage, I can pick up my bass lessons again, I can live again and really start to enjoy life again. I may not have a job yet but I've already found a choir to join and some auditions for a show and I'm making so many plans. I feel like I'm coming out of hibernation or something-blinking into the sunlight of a new world full of prospects (hopefully), a myriad of fun things (definitely) and the realisation that I never have to leave my favourite place behind me again, that's it's finally my home for real as well as in my head.

As M-People said*, "I'm moving on up, I'm moving on out!" and overall, I really can't wait to be back!


*check out the 90s floppy hair! Oh nostalgia...

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