The Darker Side of Am Dram...

(Source here)

OK. So perhaps the title is rather over dramatic but there is a nastier side to a bunch of people all wanting to get up on a stage together. Performers are inherently a bit of a diva (don't you deny it!) because people don't put themselves up on a stage unless you love the applause. I totally love it, I'm sure many people will agree with me-there's very little in life that feels as good as standing in the middle of a curtain call watching lots of people clap at you. But then there's the flip side of this, when you're stood at the back completely obscured by the row of principles in front of you and you want with all your heart to be in that line but know you'll probably never be offered a chance. Because Am Dram groups have a tendency to be rather cliquey and it's horrible. If you're not in with the "cool kids" then you will never be offered anything more than a couple of lines. I know from experience-I did 10 whole shows with my old drama group and probably had 10 whole lines too. Me and my Dad didn't go to the pub with the main bulk of the group, we didn't socialise with them after rehearsal or at weekends and therefore we were never considered for anything other than a very minor part. I'm not just being completely self absorbed and melodramatic either (I realise I am a bit)-we aren't complete clutzes on the stage who don't know stage left from stage right. My Dad has an amazing singing voice and yet was never given a role that had singing in it. I'd like to think I'm pretty good at slapping my thigh with the best of them but I never came close to my coveted principle boy role. Being in the chorus of a show is pretty damn fun, don't get me wrong, but sometimes you just long to be up there singing that solo or being the one who gets the happy ending, or at least I did. I longed for it with every bit of me, whilst I was standing in the back in the chorus line again. It creates this kind of horrible atmosphere where people start thinking that they're not as good as the people who are picked time and again for the solos, for the main roles, for their chance in the spotlight and it kinda broke my heart a lot. All I ever wanted was my chance to shine!
Which is why I am so glad that I stopped going when I did, coz this big old thing called university beckoned me with its wise old talons. And there I found, to my sheer delight, some Am Dram groups that WEREN'T CLIQUEY. Firstly, I found my USLES who have the motto 'Immature Dramatics' and care very much more about the people than about the quality of the show. While they look to put on as good a performance as they can (and there have been some absolute corkers!) they're much more concerned with everyone having a good time than making sure every line is perfect or that the cast have the ability to sway in time to music. It's a very excellent thing. Plus I fiiiiiiiiinally got to be a principle boy and perfect my thigh slap, which made my life to be honest.

Then in my 3rd year, I made the spontaneous (and probably unwise) decision to audition for a random drama group, simply because they were putting on a Pratchett play. I auditioned with low expectations-after all, if they were anything like my old drama group then the same people would get the lead roles each time and I would be lucky to get one of the small walk on roles. To my surprise and delight, I got offered one of the main roles in the show-the role of Agnes the witch, who is pretending not to be one by running away to sing opera.

This is Agnes. She's a tiny bit of a MASSIVE diva.
I love her.

I have to confess that Maskerade was my favourite show out of all the ones I've performed in over the years. Not only was it an awesome show with a really brilliant bunch of people, but it helped to reaffirm my confidence in myself. Yes, I can actually act and I am good enough to stand in the the centre of that curtain call, regardless of what previous experiences have taught me. It also made me realise that not every drama group chooses its next performance based on the person they've already selected to be in the main role, and that newbies can have a chance to steal the lime light too. It was all kinds of brilliant.

Now I'm back in Nottingham and my Dad recently asked me if I wanted to go back and audition for the next show by my old group. Despite the fact that I am really missing being in rehearsals for some show or other* I decided not to because I know that they haven't changed. I know that there's no point in me auditioning because they've probably already decided who their principle boy and girl are going to be even though they've only just finished performing their previous show. I just don't want to go back to that kind of atmosphere, where there's a definite segregation between the people who have been doing it for ages and the people who are new or not in with the crowd, it's really unpleasant. Instead, I'll bide my time, I'll carry on waiting to get back to Sheffield and get back to The Company and to USLES, the kind of groups where I feel appreciated and accepted regardless of whether or not I go for a drink with someone.

Here's a note for any producers or directors of Am Dram groups though. Next time you're auditioning for a show, why not consider someone new for a part rather than the same old faces? You might just make someone's life-it sure did mine.**

-Jenni-

*This is the first time in about 10 years I haven't known what my next performance is going to be. I'm a bit lost, to be honest.

**And for all my Edinburgh friends, that's the Power of Love.