30 Posts of Truth-Part 1

Hello all! I've not posted anything in over week because I've been fighting off a stinker of a head cold that kept me in bed for 2 days and has left me feeling lousy all week. I also didn't do the Five Minute Friday this week because the topic was 'Home' and I've already written about that before. I've still not shaken the horrible cold off at the moment, my nose has almost dropped off with all the blowing, my throat HURTS a lot and really annoyingly I can't hear a thing-it's like I'm listening to the world with earplugs in all the time because I can't hear people talking to me unless they're facing me, and my mum keeps telling me I've got the tele too loud but I can't tell. Basically it's all a bit pants around here, but instead of feeling sorry for myself any longer I thought I'd dose up on cold and flu remedies and anti-inflammatories and try and fish around in my foggy, snot-clogged brain and see if I could come up with an idea for a blog post.

I couldn't, so I'm dusting off the 30 Posts series and getting down to actually starting it.

1. Something You Hate About Yourself

I find it strange how this is starting with something negative over something positive but there you go. There's not a lot I hate about myself, generally I'm quite a positive person and I like a lot of things about me. There are a few things I dislike more than some though, and I'd probably change if I could:

-How emotionally needy I am when I am in a relationship.
(I can't really think of any way of phrasing that better) This is a throwback to my first proper boyfriend who should have broken up with me about 18 months before I broke up with him. We stayed together more because we didn't know how to not be together than because it was good for us. In the last year and a half we were together he never told me he loved me unless I said it first, never paid me a compliment that wasn't "I think that about you, too" or something. It made me really insecure and really kind of needy and I noticed that this trend continued into my 2nd relationship-I'd get worked up and worried about the silliest of things because I was scared that if he didn't say he loved me then that meant he didn't. And I don't want to be that girl, I don't want to be the person who frets over all the little things and never feels truly emotionally secure in a relationship because I think it's frankly ridiculous. I don't know how I can change it though, it seems to be a thing I just do. But ugh it's annoying.

-How much of a dick I can be in large groups.
I have noticed recently that when I'm with big groups of my friends then my personality changes and I become a bit of a nob really. I'm already quite a loud person but I get extra loud, overly sexual (not in a sexy kinda way...I just talk about inappropriate things and jiggle my boobs a lot. I met a friend's boyfriend a couple of times in this situation and he thinks that's just how I am all the time and I desperately want to tell him I'm not, not really!) extra competitive and basically just a bit of a twat. There have been occasions where I've got home from meetups with all of my USLES mates and gone to myself "I have no idea why they're friends with me." I don't really like myself when I've got my dick personality out, and I've started to be able to spot it when it rears its head. Whether I can stop it is another thing entirely.

Well, this was jolly.
Hopefully I'll be back with inspiration and normal(er) posts again soon.

-Jenni-