Thanks To Twiggy I'm An Old Fashioned Girl

Title of Post taken from this song-Twiggy from A Slice of Saturday Night-a fab musical set in a nightclub in the 60s. This song is sung by an overweight, insecure character. 

I get inspiration for my blog posts in all sorts of places, most often train stations when I don't have a pen, but not always, thankfully. The inspiration for this blog came from this video by Those Pesky Dames-awesome feminist ladies talking about important stuff on the internet. (Forgive me for not embedding it into my post  but it felt a little bit cheeky as I didn't make it.)
Before I begin I would like to make a couple of disclaimers:

• This is in no way me hating on the Dames, I have a lot of respect and admiration for those ladies and think they speak a lot of sense and talk about a lot of important things. Whilst I can't say I watch every video, the ones I have seen have seemed very well put together and thought out, and are a good way for baby feminists like me to learn more about stuff that I might never have even thought about before. I think they're pretty awesome really.
• Secondly I know that the video I have linked to is a very personal account and I have no intention of criticising or judging those personal issues. This is not intended to be a personal attack on her or any of the other Dames, and overall I completely agree with the content of the video, it's just a few niggly bits that drew my attention and made me a bit cross.

In case you don't want to watch the video, it outlines a personal account of dealing with body confidence and weight issues and talks about how that links to feminism and the reasons why she thinks that its currently on her mind. The message behind it is that women need to stop shaming themselves and others about their body size, about their eating habits, about the way they look or the size of clothes that they wear (which, lets face it, doesn't tell you a whole heap anyway!), which is a message I fully support-people should love their bodies a little more and care less about what they look like and how others judge them. 

My problem comes from the phrasing of a couple of key sentences that she uses:

"...you're human and you have tissue, and skin, and muscles and hair, that's just like a human body!..."

"...we're all just made up of "body things", fleshy things-we're fleshy creatures, we're bony creatures and cartilagey creatures..."

because I noticed that she never uses the word 'fat' at all, and it struck me as rather odd. If you're essentially describing humans as tissue and hair and cartilage it feels weird to me that you wouldn't use the word fat as well. 

I mean, let's face it, unless you're severely malnourished you have fat. Everyone has fat. Yes, some people have more of it, some people have less of it. Some people have it in different places than other people. Some people have a more socially acceptable distribution of that fat and some less so. But everybody has it. Some people are happy with the fact that they have fat, while others are desperately unhappy about it. 

Personally, I don't think that vilifying the word FAT solves any problems. I don't think omitting it from a description of "what normal people essentially are" helps anyone to accept the fact that people have fat and that is perfectly fine. I totally agree that people, women in particular, need to stop being ashamed because their bodies don't fit the presented norm, and also need to stop shaming other people who don't either. Judging someone because they're fat or feeling relieved that you're slimmer is pretty horrible really, it's just a body-and it's not yours to judge or to care about anyway. Having fat or being fat doesn't stop you from feeling self-confident, from being beautiful, from being loved, from being happy! (Although aren't we always shown that this is not the case?)

I'm always amused when I say something to my friends along the lines of "I'm fat but..." or whatever it might be and they respond with contradictions: "Oh no, you're not fat, don't be silly". Are they even looking at me? Hell yeah I'm fat, fat and fabulous. I'm not using it as a negative word, as an attention seeking word, I'm using it as an adjective to describe my body shape. Yeah, I'm curvy. Curvy and fat. I've not got a pillow stuffed up my jumper, what do they think is under my skin?

I just really like the negative connotations that are all put under the heading of 'FAT', when it's just another way society tells a woman (in particular, but men too) that she can't be beautiful. So I would like to add to the message in the video:
We're all humans. We're all different. We're bags of skin and muscle and bone and hair and FAT. Whatever your size is you have no more or less reasons to be ashamed of your body than anyone else in the world. Stop judging other people-and yourself-by the number printed in the back of your jeans and don't be scared of the word fat, of being called fat. If you want to be fat and happy then do so (Like me!) because there are worse things in life you could be. Having fat is not a reason to hate your body, and it's certainly no reason not to think of yourself as beautiful, but hating this fact of life is never going to let you love yourself as much as you should.

"Let's all eat and not feel ashamed and just be happy with each other." WHATEVER our shape and sizes are.

-Jenni-

No Make Up Monday No-No

Source

At the start of the year one of my favourite websites-Operation Beautiful launched a new campaign-No Make Up Mondays. To quote their site, 'The mission of Operation Beautiful is to post anonymous notes in public places for other people to find. The point is that WE ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL. You are enough... just the way you are!', which is something I really support. It may be cliched, but I know that if you're having a rubbish day and you find something nice written somewhere it can really make you smile. In my life, I've found 2, both at my student's union. One of these was shortly after my breakup, tied to a door handle, put there by the Women's Committee. I picked it up and put it in my purse because it made me feel slightly better in a time where I really needed the little things. It's still there. So while it might not change the world, if it makes one person feel better when they really need a smile, I'm all for it-I've even posted an anonymous note or two in my time.

This new idea though, No Make Up Mondays, I have mixed feelings about. While I do agree with some of the points it raises, I don't agree with the idea completely. Yes I do believe that young girls and women should be encouraged to feel happy in their own skin. I agree that the idea that you don't have to wear make up to be beautiful is something that more people should talk about and take to heart more than they do in our current climate. People should definitely be shown more that you don't need make up to be happy, to be loved, to be beautiful, that you don't have to rely on make up to get you where you want to go in life. But, even saying all that, I don't see make up as the enemy. In previous blogs, I've mentioned that I believe that before you change something about yourself because you don't like it, you should change the way you think about it. Make up, for me, falls rather more into the latter camp than the former. If you feel unhappy with the way you look, but when you put a bit of make up on feel completely satisfied and beautiful, then it's probably doing your self confidence more good than harm. I know people who don't wear a full face everyday, but do wear a layer of foundation to even out their skin tone, or mascara to make their eyes seem bigger or lipstick to add a little colour or whatever it is, and I know that some of these people would feel very uncomfortable going out in public without any make up at all. It's not that it's a barrier, or something to hide behind, but it's something that makes them feel more normal, less self conscious about their looks, more beautiful, and I don't-and won't-begrudge them it. I do think people can wear too much make up-if it's taking hours to put on every morning, even just to go to the corner shop and buy milk, and they have to sleep in it too because they can't let their boyfriend see them without make up on then they have a pretty serious (psychological) problem, but taking their make up away won't cure it.

I think No Make Up Mondays are, overall, a positive thing, but something that's going to be different for everyone, simply because of the nature of it. For people like me, who regularly do No Make Up Monday-Sundays (either because I don't get dressed for a whole week, or because I forget, or simply because I can't be arsed!) it's meaningless. If you're someone who uses make up just to gain enough confidence to feel good about the way you look then the thought of going without it is going to make you uncomfortable, and may be pretty terrifying for some. If you're someone who is already wondering if you wear too much make up, or want to set yourself a challenge, or want to see if anyone would notice, or just want to see what you look like without it then it's definitely something you should try-and I hope it makes you feel beautiful. If it doesn't though, then just don't do it again. While I definitely agree that no-one should feel like they have to wear make up in order to feel beautiful, to be successful, to get a boyfriend or any other reason, they should also never be made to feel like they have to do without too.
Whatever works for you to make you feel brilliant about yourself works for me too.

-Jenni-

Don't Go Changing, Trying To Please Me

"I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful!"
"But you are beautiful!"
(Source)

I had originally had a different idea for a blog post floating around in my brain but then I read something this morning and was inspired. A good friend of mine writes a hidden, secret blog (more like a diary) and had written a post on living healthily and trying to lose bit of weight etc etc, like hundreds of other people in the new year I don’t doubt. The thing that made me really sad was when she listed her reasons for doing it, this sentence was amongst them: “...but men don't dig fat chicks. Men like smaller girls, and you aren’t small.” 

I understand there are hundreds of reasons for wanting to go on a bit of a health kick and try and lose weight/get fitter/become a bit more comfortable within your own skin, but the idea that we need to do it in order to help us be more attractive to the opposite sex really saddens me. I too want to get a bit fitter and should really start doing some exercise, if only so that I can run up the two flights of stairs to my bedroom without feeling like I’m about to die. But to do it to attract a man? No  thanks. If a bloke can’t be happy with me as I am, then I’m not interested. Even if he was Mr. Perfect, if I was totally butterflies-in-the-stomach-besotted with him, even if he was THE ONE, if he told me I had to slim down in order to get with him I’d tell him where to get stuffed and possibly forcibly stuff him there myself.

Thing is, I've been in relationships where I've tried to change myself to please the opposite party and it feels pretty crappy. To realise that someone you're in love with doesn't like you exactly as you are is a horrible thing, particularly when it's to do with how you look because that's one of the reasons they're attracted to you, surely- if they don't like the way you dress or the size you are does that mean they don't fancy you much any more? (That's how it feels at least.) It's horrible. I'm not the girliest dresser in the world and have a penchant for big snuggly hoodies, sloppy skate trainers and Doc Martens*, and I've dressed the same way for years really. So when the Ex used to pick up on these things (that hadn't changed since we started going out) and basically point out why he didn't really like them, I used to feel like he didn't like me, like he was trying to turn me into someone I wasn't.
And I let him. I bought fitted coats and dolly shoes and T-shirts that weren't baggy and tried to wear my girly outfits when I visited him over my sloppy, comfy ones. Fat lot of good it did me, we still broke up and now he is with someone who is basically my girlier twin looks/style wise, so I'm sure he's happy now. It gives me the freedom to wear my Docs every day and only wear my girly clothes when I want to, and I wonder to myself why I ever tried to change. I know the answer, of course. It's because when I fall in love with people I am constantly doubting the relationship and worrying that they'll leave me, so I'll always change myself if I think it'll make them happier. But I'm going to try not to.
A very wise friend of mine once told me "You should never be with someone who doesn't think you're brilliant, and tell you that often" and I have to say I think it's excellent advice. If the person that you're with is trying to change the way you look or the way you act around them then they're not really interested in you, but the person they can make you into. I recognise the need to adapt some of our personality traits in order to live with other people without constantly arguing for instance, but that's a two way street, and I think you should never change your looks or your style for someone else- and I'm going to try to stick to this rule in the future. Change yourself if you're unhappy, go on a diet, try out a new hair colour, wear different clothes, but only on your terms, not on someone else's. I'd rather be happy with myself and single than change myself to fit into a relationship, and for me, that's saying a lot.

So be fat and fabulous, wear what you want to when you want to and don't let anyone tell you that you're doing it wrong.

-Jenni-

*Let's face it, I'm having a love affair with my Docs, future boyfriends be damned!

Ink Me Up, Baby

Tattoos. Everyone's got one. Well 1 in 5 of us at least. They're so commonplace nowadays that people don't even think twice when they see someone with one, and we do see them everywhere. I'm not about to start ranting on people who get tattoos (I hope) or start saying they're evil and ugly or anything like that-if I did I'd be a hypocrite because I have one, and I do love them as much as the next person. To an extent.

Here's mine, in all its freshly inked glory.

I think people don't really think about getting a tattoo any more, it's just not a big deal to pop into your friendly local tattooists and get them to draw something onto your skin. People say that it's addictive, and I can almost see why you would want to keep getting and getting them once you've had your first*. But the thing is, I don't think people consider that they're a  permanent addition. I thought about getting my tattoo for about 4 years before I actually went ahead and did it, and even when I booked my appointment in at the studio I had this massive sense of almost foreboding that I was doing something that would change things forever. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally in love with the end results and definitely don't think it's something I will end up regretting doing but I still recognise that it's a massive thing to do and would really consider it just as hard before I got another one**. I don't think it's something that most people my age really even think about before covering themselves in them. I also thought long and hard about where I wanted it-it had to be somewhere I could cover up if I wanted to but also somewhere I could see every day. I really like wrist tats, but would never get one coz I hate wearing long sleeves, same with neck tattoos and wearing my hair down. I want, some day, to be employed by someone somewhere, and recognise that visible ones could be problematic in that respect (plus I don't think my Dad would approve!).

Maybe I've just got a touch of middle age about me, but I just think people should really think a little more carefully over something as important as inking themselves for life. After all, what's that swanky chest piece going to look like when your cleavage starts sagging? What about those stars on your arm when you decide to stop being a hipster? The date on your neck to a potential employer? What about when your kids (/someone's kids/any kids) ask you what YOLO means and you have to explain it was a meme way back when you were a teenager? What if it's a private joke that's no longer funny or just something you end up plain old regretting coz you got it because tattoos were cool? 

Tattoos can be beautiful, or tell you life stories about the person who has them, or represent some memento of a personal triumph and a million other things, but I reckon they should be done in moderation and thought about a lot more than people seem to do it. After all, You do Only Live Once so why get something put on your body that you are going to regret when you're older? You have to be a grown up someday, folks.

-Jenni-

P.S http://www.channel4.com/programmes/my-tattoo-addiction/4od#3428875 This is an interesting example of just how mad some people go with them.

*Even my tattooist said she hated getting them done (Newsflash: THEY HURT SO VERY MUCH!) but once she had one she could never wait to get another and another. 

*The fact that I originally typed 'get' instead of 'got' in that sentence tells me that somewhere inside I'm already considering having a second. Oh dear.

Feeling Ugly? There's An Op For That!

Source HERE

Cosmetic surgery, as far as I am concerned, shouldn't really be allowed. I mean Doctors should actually be banned from performing it, and certainly shouldn't be allowed to make a fuck-tonne of money from essentially exploiting people's insecurities. To clarify, I don't think plastic surgery as a whole is an evil business, I completely recognise the need for it to exist to allow people to have re-constructive surgeries, corrective surgeries and a whole spectrum of other, completely valid reasons requiring a plastic surgeon. The (MASSIVE) part that I have a problem with is the large proportion of operations to "fix a problem" that doesn't need fixing. People who have plastic surgery for the sake of having plastic surgery; doctors who willingly pump poisons into their clients' foreheads, women who want to have the biggest boobs in the world.
 I think that there is far too much weight placed on surgery as being a "quick-fix" and as being the solution to all your insecurities. Too fat? Gastric band. Lost the weight too quickly? We'll slice off all that unsightly flabby skin. Don't like the shape of your nose? Let me just take a chisel to it, and you'll be right as rain in 6 weeks time. Surgery is a HUGE undertaking, it's not something to flippantly decide on whilst sitting in the hairdressers one day. It's not a quick fix and it is certainly not the solution to all your unhappiness. There's a growing trend in today's society that says if there is something you aren't happy with, you simply change the thing. I personally think that if there's something you aren't happy with you should first try to change the way you think about the thing. (For example, see my post about feeling beautiful in yourself). I think if someone wants to drastically change their body by undergoing cosmetic surgery then they should have to undergo a rigorous course of counselling and therapy beforehand. Like each procedure should come with a mandatory 6-12 month course of trying to make people feel better about themselves before they have it done, with the aim of them not getting it done at all.*
All cosmetic surgery leads to is a desire for a perfection that can never be achieved. How many people stop at just one procedure? How many in actual fact go home and go "OK, great, now my boobs are perfect but the rest of me just doesn't add up. I think it'll be a tummy tuck next." People make cosmetic surgery shopping lists and then spend a fortune getting them all done because they think it will make them feel beautiful. Feeling beautiful does not come from being surgically crafted into societies' idea of perfect, it comes from being comfortable in your own skin and loving yourself. No amount of silicone and surgery can give you that, it has to come from you-by looking in the mirror and learning to love yourself exactly as you are-wobbly bits, imperfections, crows feet and all.
You know what I say? Sod growing old gracefully. Grow old ungracefully and let every line on your face show that you had a bloody good time doing it. Let your boobs sag and your wobbly bits wobble and stop striving so hard to be all the things that you're not. Because you don't need a surgeon to make you beautiful because you already are.

-Jenni-


*I realise, sadly, this will never happen due to the fact that it would not make anyone any money except some very happy psychiatrists. The surgeons would revolt!

Feeling Empowered With Not Much To Say

I am spending my Saturday morning rather uncharacteristically being awake and watching awesome things on the Internets. I have just finished watching Cherry Healey's How To Get a Life programme on looks, Can Your Looks Change Your Life? (found here until 18/7*). I then watched about half a dozen of the latest videos by one of the groups featured in the programme, Those Pesky Dames who vlog on Youtube daily about issues affecting women today and are quite frankly amazing and inspirational women. So now I feel really empowered and great but don't really have much to actually talk about myself. I think the issues raised in the programme as well as in the Dames' videos are awesome, because more people need to challenge society's "normalised" ideas of beauty and start to love the way their bodies look and accept the fact that everyone is beautiful in a million different ways. Yet it seems like more and more women in today's society feel pressured to look a certain way, slap on make-up as a barrier against the world and choke down diet pills in a bid to remove every last inch of wobbliness on their bodies. It saddens me that the image of perfection women strive to achieve is so unobtainable that all that happens with each generation is increasing levels of women who are not happy with their looks, and feel helpless to do anything about it. Sometimes I feel incredibly lucky about how I grew up because it's landed me in a place that means I don't have too many hang ups about my body. For most of my life I was a bit of a tomboy which means that I have never really learned how to apply make-up properly or do anything more to my hair than put it in a ponytail. This means I have never bothered to spend a large amount of time doing my hair and perfecting my make-up unless it's for a special occasion. Certainly, I don't do it every day because I just can't be bothered, which means I've never relied upon it to make me feel like myself. I know who I am, and 90% of the time you will meet that person without any make up on because she didn't even remember to think about it that morning. I'm also a big girl-I'm a size 18 (20 in dresses) and I am happy with that. Sure, not 100% happy 100% percent of the time, but for the most part I am comfortable in my skin and generally love myself. As a lot of the Dames say in their videos, you can't rely on someone else to make you feel beautiful but I know that a large part of my confidence in myself has come from a grounding in that. Once you know someone doesn't care about the bit you're stressing over, it's a lot easier to stop caring yourself and just get on with life. Yeah I've got a big belly, and yeah it's covered in stretch marks and a little bit pregnant looking, but I've also got fantastic boobs and legs (as far as I am concerned) to balance it out.
So if this is the start of the beauty revolution, of women claiming back the word 'beauty' from the glossy mags and the make-up companies then you can count me in. I just want more people to be happy with what they look like, and happy with what other people look like too, so that there is less of a focus on what you look like and more on how amazing you are.
Let me finish with a particularly wonderful quote from one of Those Pesky Dames' vlogs:

"It is easy to be beautiful. In fact, you're doing it right now, even if you don't believe me."

and also with this. If you're still feeling bad about yourself, or, like me, you feel rather good about your looks, remember that you have to be able to laugh at the bad times. So, for your enjoyment, here is a rather fetching photograph of myself:

Yep, I'm a fitty.

Until next time,
-Jenni-

*Foreign readers might not be able to access Iplayer, but this site should help you see it

Give It A Go at the Spa

As you may know by now, I work for Give it a Go at Sheffield's Student Union. This means that I get paid to do some stuff that I have never done before, which quite often turns out to be pretty awesome.
Last weekend, I got to go to the Spa with GIAG, which was really rather exciting as it was a brand new experience for me. We went to the gorgeous SPA1877, which is a hidden gem off Sheffield's Glossop Road. It's an original Victorian spa/Turkish baths and the architecture on the inside is just gorgeous (albeit very very confusingly laid-out), and you would never guess you were standing underneath one of the busier main routes through the city!
Once we arrived, we changed into our swimming gear and our complementary towels,gowns and flipflops and then we were given a quick tour of the facilities. To begin with, we were shown into the relaxation area, which had lots of seats and magazines and refreshments to allow you to take some time out between the more intense spa areas. We then went through into the Hammam area, which was where all the other experience rooms were situated, and also had some warmed marble benches for you to sit/lie on between treatments.

At one end was the plunge pool, at a chilly 10 degrees, and the Tropical Rain shower that could douse you with a tropical downpour, a rainforest mist or an arctic blast-brr! There was a sauna (dry heat but very hot) and an aromasteam room, which is a wet steam room that was filled with a fruity smelling essential oil. I have to admit that I avoided these 2 rooms, as the sauna was waaay to hot for me and the aromasteam room was filled with so much steam that I felt somewhat claustrophobic in there.
Instead, I split my time between the Hammam area and the much larger Steam room.

When we went, this room was lit was red light and filled with Eucalyptus scented smoke, which was actually quite pleasant to breathe in. It took a while to get used to it, because you really couldn't see much further than your arms width, and it was intensely hot, but once you had acclimatised it was quite bearable for about 15 minutes at a time, and certainly helped to clear my blocked nose! The other room in the spa experience was the Ice Cave, which had a big pile of crushed ice in it-designed to rub all over your skin as both an exfoliating treatment and to help cool you down. I have to admit that this was actually really quite a nice sensation, especially if you had just come out of the hot steam room so that it melted instantly on your skin.

I was really quite surprised to notice how relaxed I felt after our 3 hours was up. Even though I had spent a fair bit of time in the Relaxation area talking about Doctor Who with a new friend, I still really enjoyed myself and felt a lot more chilled out when I came out than when I went in. I had been dubious at the beginning of the evening but ended up finding the whole experience quite luxurious-a great de-stress before exams! I would definitely recommend it if you felt like treating yourself to something wonderful, prices are all on the website.

In fact, I think I might treat myself again once my exams are over!

For now then,
-Jenni-

All pictures from the Spa1877 website

And Another Thing...

I took a gap year before I came to uni, so I am by now quite used to being older than most of the people I am friends with. Indeed, this year I am the oldest one in my student house because no-one else has taken one. But I have started to notice a trend amongst my younger friends that has recently started to get on my nerves: People who are turning 20 complaining about how OLD they are going to be. Twenty is NOT old, nowhere near. Statistically speaking you have at least another 50 years ahead of you, which means that you are not even a third of the way through your life at 20. You also have more than double the years you have lived still to live, so I just don't understand how people can complain at being old.
A common explanation I hear for this is that you feel old because you are leaving your teenage years behind, and that this is a horrible thing, but I just can't understand the logic behind this. Most of the years I spent as a teenager were pretty rubbish-I would much rather be twenty than have to deal with mood swings and spots and angst and heartbreak because that boy you have fancied for years has got a girlfriend and school uniforms and getting bullied and gossip and bitch fights with your friends and making up with your friends again and arguing about which boy from that band that you all love is hottest and PE and emotional rollercoasters and blazing rows with your parents and not being old enough to do anything or being old enough and having no-one to do anything with or being the last one to be old enough and missing out on all the fun stuff and the low self esteem and all the 'firsts' all over again and all the rest of the crap! Ugh, it just doesn't bear thinking about.
Being 20/21 is awesome! You've literally got your life ahead of you to fill with exciting and unknown things. You're stood on the edge looking at the drop knowing that it's going to be terrifying and brilliant all at the same time. Don't waste time complaining about being old-go out and live in every second. If you don't want to feel so ancient than act like a child again-jump in all the puddles and climb tress, run around in circles until you're so dizzy you fall over, blow bubbles. Life will pass you by if you let it, by sitting around moping about being 'old', but just go out and seize the day and see how wonderful it can be!
Personally, I think the thing that people are scared of isn't turning 20 but turning into a proper adult-and I must admit that I can count myself in this category. There's something about being a student that takes you out of the real world, into one where it is perfectly acceptable to take a nap in the middle of the day, where you have no real responsibilities and mooching around in your pyjamas for a day is a completely normal activity, and the thought of having to actually grow up a bit and take charge of your life is a tiny bit of a knee-trembler. Everyone's future is unknown at this moment, that's what makes it so scary to be looking at it. However, I have friends that I went to school with that have got married, have had babies or have babies on the way. To me, these are much more 'adult' things than having to stop being a student and get a job and be a semi-responsible person for the first time. So I reckon if my friends can do these massive life changing things then I must be able to cope with the smaller, albeit still life changing ones.
So isn't it about time we all stopped being scared about getting slightly older and standing on the edge, take a big breath, close our eyes and jump? OK, so maybe this isn't the best analogy for me, knowing that I will never bungee jump in my life (I am far too fond of having my spine in one piece, thanks),  but what I am saying is that we should all just go out there and do awesome things. Don't let a fear of growing old stop you. After all,

  

Life isn't a rehearsal. Live it.

-Jenni-

The Problem I Have With FAT

Fat. Say it to yourself. What sort of images come into your mind? I could bet that some of them are fairly unpleasant.
See, I have a problem with the word 'FAT'-it's far too overused in our society. The worst thing that a woman can be is fat. We live in the fattest nation in Europe (The UK). We're the fattest now than we have ever been. People are terrified of looking fat, of getting fat, of wearing clothes that make them appear fat. Not only is the word grossly* overused, it is also misused far too often.
Now while I understand that lots of people being massively overweight is a problem both for the individuals and on society (health care, resources etc etc), I don't like the way the word fat is used to mean ugly and unhappy-it only ever comes with a negative tag. On all the 'amazing weight loss pill/diet/regime' adverts, you never see the 'Before' woman smiling do you?

Jodie Prenger showing us how miserable it is being fat...
(Plus what a difference that new dress, heels, new hairdo and make up do for you...)

Very rarely are fat people allowed to be portrayed happy with their lot in life-the message is that if you're fat, you should be ashamed and unhappy because it's what you deserve. I mean look how much 'celebs' get slated if they put on a couple of pounds and then go for a walk on the beach.

All I want to say is that fat is not synonymous for ugly. Being fat doesn't automatically make you unhappy or unhealthy. Being fat is definitely not the worst thing you could be. I would much rather be fat and a nice person than thin and horrible. I would rather be fat and comfortable and confident in my own skin than thin and insecure. Fat can be beautiful, fat can be SEXY (shock horror) and just because you are thin doesn't necessarily mean you are more attractive than a bigger person. 

As I have said before, beauty (in my opinion) comes from self confidence and happiness, not necessarily just what you look like. I am fat, but I have a lot more body confidence than a lot of people I know-people who are much thinner than me. I will happily say that I have the capacity to be beautiful** but I know a lot of people who are a smaller dress size than me and couldn't say the same. 

In this beauty crazed world, it really irks me that being thin is the ultimate pursuit, because to be thin is apparently to be beautiful. Why can't it be happiness that makes you beautiful rather than the size of your jeans? People are obsessed with doing anything to not be fat-look how many fad diets and diet pills are out there, and how much money people are making out of this fat-phobia. I really think it's about time the viewpoint changed. People should stop using fat as negative word, and stop making 'fat' the worst thing someone in society can be.
We can't escape it ladies-the average female body is 27% fat (compared to 6% for blokes) and without it we wouldn't have boobs and hips and bums and all the wonderful things that make us sexy women. If you're unhappy with the way you look, try to change your mind before you try to change your body. Learn to love your femininity and all the lumps and bumps and wobbly bits that come with it-your FAT. Wear what makes you feel good and look good, and then what does it matter if you have love handles or a stomach that isn't completely flat or cellulite? They're all the things that add up to make you beautiful.

Being fat is not a bad thing, so just enjoy yourself!

Let's make fat beautiful again!

-Jenni-


*Yes, it was deliberate
**Although not on the days when I have to actually drag myself out of bed, I will admit. Especially when I spend them lurching around like the undead until I get some caffeine. 

Feeling Beautiful

This has already been posted once online before, but I thought I would repost it on here in a sort of follow up to my last post. If you read said post, I thank you, I've never had 173 people read anything I have written before, so it meant a lot to me. I hope it was worth the look. 
This post, as I mentioned, links in quite nicely with the sentiments of the last-these are ways that I have found help me to love myself a little bit more each day, and hopefully they might help you too:


My 8 Simple Rules for Feeling Beautiful


1. The one thing you should never leave your house without is your smile. How will anyone know you are beautiful if you are frowning at the world? A smile can make even the simplest, comfiest not-to-be-seen-dead-in outfits beautiful, because beauty comes from you and not from your clothes. Smile at random strangers-see if you can spread a bit of happiness around.

2. Learn to accept compliments-sincerely! The next time someone tells you that you look pretty/beautiful/really good today, don't just laugh or argue it away. Take their words on board-believe them and enjoy them. Say thank you and mean it, rather than just because it's polite. People aren't just saying these things for the sake of it-they genuinely think you are beautiful. Even when you are struggling to believe them, you should still take pleasure from the fact that someone else knows it.

3. Emphasise your favourite bits-whatever they are. If you love your legs; wear short skirts, if it's your boobs-a low cut top. Wear what is comfortable and what shows off your best bits. Even if it's your hair, make a statement with it, make it big and make it bold.

4. Count the positives as well. If you stand in front of the mirror and only see the things you don't like then you are going to give your self-esteem a major bashing. So set yourself a challenge-for every negative, find a positive. Find at least one thing that you feel good about for every thing that you feel bad about. Or challenge yourself to find one, then three, then five things that make you feel fantastic about your body and outfit every day. After a while you'll start to see your body in a more positive light and mind the negatives less. It's all about frame of mind.

5. Surprise people! If you are a bit of a tomboy (like me!) then go out in a skirt. If you always cover yourself up get some more on show. Change your hair style, wear high heels, do something different. If people see you in an outfit that you wouldn't normally wear it makes them take a second look at you and then give you those compliments you deserve.

6. Be yourself. Bit of a cliché this one but it's true. There's no point in you wearing things that are in fashion if you don't like the way they look on you-you have to make your clothes work for your body shape and your style. Wear the things you love, wear what looks good on you and what you feel comfortable wearing. You don't have to fit in if you don't want to-the only person you need to impress is yourself. If you are truly happy with what you see in the mirror then it doesn't matter one jot what other people think, you can walk around like you own the place and no-one can stop you.

7. Wear sexy undies. (Probably one only for the ladies here...) I have to confess this is one rule I tend not to abide by myself, but a good friend of mine swears by it. She says that if you are wearing a sexy matching set of undies then it helps you feel good no matter what you are wearing on top. It's like have a secret from the world-a confidence boosting, empowering, sexy kinda secret, that goes a long way to making you feel great. Of course, wearing something that fits you in all the right places can't hurt to make you look great externally too ;)

8. Take Naked photos of yourself. Odd one this, perhaps, and I know some people are freaking out right now. Relax, you don't have to do all the rules to feel FAB. I don't just mean standing in front of the mirror with everything hanging out though, I mean take sexy naked pictures of yourself. Find a good position/pose for your body shape, whack out your million kilowatt smile and snap away. They don't have to be pornographic, more artistic. You can always cover up any offending bits with silk scarves, rose petals, those sexy undies-whatever you fancy! They don't have to be for anyone to see either, these are your own personal portfolio of gorgeousness. Hide them away somewhere (very well hidden) on your computer and then look at them from time to time when you need a confidence boost. I think there's something that feels slightly naughty about it-and that really helps. I personally think it's a great way to learn to love yourself more.

You're fabulous baby, don't let anyone try to tell you otherwise.

Be Beautiful, 

Jenni

Beauty and its Ugly Faces

The other day I watched a TV show called 'My Daughter the Teenage Nudist'. It featured young people who liked to be naked (as you may have guessed from the title) including a group that had set up a blog called 'Naked Vegan Cooking'-posting photos and recipes on-line of their clothing optional cooking meetups. During the show, they read out some of the comments from the blog-seemingly focussing on the negative rather than the positive. People were saying that they were "ugly" and that they should only be running a naked-centred blog if they were nice to look at etc etc. (Laughably, this goes against the entire reason for the blog-to promote a normal body image and try to encourage body confidence in their readers). It got me thinking about just how subjective "ugliness" and "beauty" are. These guys were just doing their thing, not just to enjoy it, but to try to promote a healthy body image, to go against Hollywood's contrived image of beauty and to show people what normal really is. And I say all credit to them, I think what they're doing is excellent.
While you won't find me stripping off to post naked photos on here any time soon, I do totally support their views. I am probably a lot of people's idea of "ugly". I'm overweight, I don't have a traditionally beautiful face and my skin is covered with scars from acne I had through my teens. Still, I don't care, because I am happy. The people who I want to consider me beautiful do, and this helps me to feel beautiful within myself. You may find it strange to think that a woman who wears size 18 clothes is happy with the way she looks, but for the most part I am! Of course I still have those down days from time to time, but show me the person who doesn't?
There was a quotation from the show that struck a chord in me- 'The Perfect body is a Happy one', which is something I wholeheartedly agree with. I know a lot of people that spend too much time casting themselves as ugly, or determinedly fighting against the people calling them ugly. To me, I'm sure it doesn't matter. I couldn't care less if some internet troll I have never met doesn't like the way I look. I couldn't care less if someone in the street stares at me-so what? They have no influence over my life, the way I choose to live it and the way I choose to be happy.
Beauty, for me, certainly is not in the eye of the beholder. If you don't feel beautiful, you won't be, simple as that. You shouldn't let people outside of yourself define your opinion of you-just try to be happy in the skin you're in, try to be confident, try to love yourself. Why waste your life hating every little part of you because people tell you you should? Just enjoy yourself, be happy in yourself and the rest will fall into place.

Be Beautiful-coz chances are, you already are.

Jenni x x