Putting The 'Living' Back In My Life

So on Monday the thing I've been wanting for so long finally, finally, happens. After viewing what feels like hundreds of houses-some of them nice, some of them not so nice-after being repeatedly turned down or just never contacted again, after getting my hopes up only to have them dashed, I am finally moving back to the city that possesses my heart, the place that is home more than anywhere else for me.

While on the one hand, I'm elated because this what I've wanted to do basically since I graduated, I'm also a little bit terrified! This move represents me MOVING OUT-actually leaving my parent's house for good and never (hopefully) going back again-and that's pretty scary. For while I know that there will always be a place for me here, it will cease to be my home, my sanctuary, my safe place. I've lived here for my whole life (except when I was at uni) and I've done so much within these four walls-I've laughed, I've loved and I've cried-and now I'm saying goodbye. After this, it'll never quite be the same again, coming back here, the balance will have shifted slightly and I'll always be a visitor rather than someone who lives here. It'll still be the same old house but nothing at all will be the same. It all feels a bit strange somehow, to be leaving.

This move also means that I am going to have to join the ranks of what I've been referring to for the past year and a half as "real people"-people who have a job and pay rent and bills and who are entirely responsible for their own lives. I'm going to have to finally be a grown up and do all of these things for myself rather than spending my time in my pyjamas watching tele. And again, one part of me is relishing the idea of all that independence and autonomy, and the other half is scared because this all means I'm stepping out without a safety net, no parents to help me out this time, it's all on me.

It's fair to say I'm having somewhat mixed feelings about everything. Overall though, I have to say I'm excited because it means I can finally kick start my life again. I can start to do all the things that have been on hold almost since I left uni-I can get back on stage, I can pick up my bass lessons again, I can live again and really start to enjoy life again. I may not have a job yet but I've already found a choir to join and some auditions for a show and I'm making so many plans. I feel like I'm coming out of hibernation or something-blinking into the sunlight of a new world full of prospects (hopefully), a myriad of fun things (definitely) and the realisation that I never have to leave my favourite place behind me again, that's it's finally my home for real as well as in my head.

As M-People said*, "I'm moving on up, I'm moving on out!" and overall, I really can't wait to be back!

-Jenni-

*check out the 90s floppy hair! Oh nostalgia...

Five Minute Fridays-Visit

It's been a while since I've done one of these posts but I had a few moments to spare today, and the prompt sparked a flash of inspiration in my head, so I've joined in today-hurrah!

A reminder-5MF is a kind of writing flash mob-people write for five minutes on a prompt word given on the 5MF blog page. The idea is to focus on the writing and leave it unedited, as it falls out of your head and onto the page in the five minutes you're given. It's kinda fun, and makes your brain work =)

Visit

I don’t like the fact that my city is no longer my own, that I can only visit it and it’s not my home. It feels weird knowing so many streets and houses and places in somewhere that you don’t live in, even though you feel like you should do. Every time I step out of the train station and see the shining fountains and the soaring buildings around me, I feel my heart lift a little, knowing I’m home again, and I always hate having to say goodbye. Getting on a train and pulling away from a place I love so well means I always leave a little bit of me behind with me, because I never want to go. I have been trying to move back there since September and have had door after door (sometimes quite literally) close in my face. I thought I’d found somewhere in early December, a nice room in a nice house in a nice area sharing with nice people, and I was elated to think my city was finally going to be mine again. Three weeks later I found out the nice room had already gone to some other nice person, and no matter how nice the people were they could no longer help me. Honestly, I was pretty heartbroken as I watched my home slip further away from me, and it makes | you think like you’re never going to get back, like you’re asking for something unobtainable, like you should give up and try and love the somewhere else you currently live as much, as if you ever could. But I keep visiting, and my city always welcomes me back, and I keep leaving pieces of me behind myself when I do. Maybe if I leave enough then somehow by osmosis I’ll get there again someday. I can always keep hoping, and always keep visiting.

| denotes where my 5 minute alarm went off

If you want to know what Five Minute Fridays are all about/take part yourself then more information can be found here: http://lisajobaker.com/five-minute-friday/

My posts are all here: Five Minute Fridays

An Open Letter To Katie Hopkins

Dear Ms. Hopkins,
                              Hello. I used to like you, way back when, Katie. When you were on The Apprentice I thought out of everyone in your series you deserved to win the most, had the best ideas etc. I still think you should have done to be honest, maybe then you'd be spending too much time on your important, highly paid job to crop up across our TV screens and in our magazines being a judgemental bigot.
See, I just read your article 'Being A Size 16 is NOT Okay' which I am loathe to link to because I know each page view is money in your pocket. (Sorry readers, if you want to read it, google the title!)
You have some very interesting things to say on the subject, such as:

"Fat people are always unhappy with their weight. Show me a happy fat person and I will show you someone beaten by Maltesers. Most are so afraid to take on a battle with their weight they would rather lie to themselves and find an excuse."

I should probably tell you now that I am fat. Fatter still than those women that you are relentlessly shaming in your article-I am a size 18-20. So I expect that in your mind I am chronically depressed over just how fat I am, because my entire happiness in life boils down to what size jeans I wear, right? Well, Katie, you couldn't be more wrong because I'm pretty darn happy. Actually, more than happy (you might want to brace yourself here), I look in the mirror and I like what I see. I think I look pretty awesome, actually. And I know you won't believe me, that you think I'm just deluding myself because "In our hearts we know that slim is better." but I have to disagree-I look great and I don't think losing 4 dress sizes could possibly make me feel any happier about myself.

 It is true that a lot of fat people are unhappy with their weight, but do you know why that is Katie? It's because there are so many people like you out there who are dictating who has a right to happiness and telling people how they should look in order to obtain it. It's difficult to be fat and happy when every single day you see or read things that are designed to make you feel ashamed of yourself, to hate the way you look because it's not "normal, the same as everyone else"-again your words. I don't think you mean 'normal' Katie, I think you mean 'different from you' and if that's the case then I wholeheartedly celebrate my 'abnormality'-because I hope to never be one iota like you!

I for one think it's brilliant that Debenhams are displaying size 15 models in their shops because it helps to reinforce the fact that beauty isn't just 'one size fits all'. We're all different-we don't conform to your narrow minded chocolate-box idea of beauty-where we're all the same size, wearing the same clothes, styling our hair the same way and smiling the same Stepford wives smile.

So I too have some advice for those ladies who are wavering on their New Year's Resolutions-but it's slightly different to yours! Ladies, don't let anyone tell you what size you "should" be to be happy, don't let anyone tell you that you need to lose weight in order to be "normal". If you are healthy, if you like what you see when you look in the mirror, if you love yourself, then no-one can tell you to be any different. And if you're not happy, then sure, diet, exercise, lose weight if you think it will make you feel better about yourself, but don't just do it because some judgemental, small minded bigoted person told you to. You are so much more than a number in your jeans, and your happiness levels should not be tied to that alone.

Katie Hopkins, you can take your unwanted opinions and crawl back under the rock you came out from, you're a pretty horrible person. I would definitely rather be fat (and loving it!) than be as judgey of other people as you are.

-Jenni-

Awesome Things IX

Hello lovelies! I thought I'd kick my 2014 blogging year off with one of these posts because I really like them, they make me kinda happy-and it's always nice to recognise the little things every once in a while!

-People buying your stuff on eBay
Now I don't know about you but I have heard that eBay can get addictive, but for me it's not in the way you'd think. I love selling stuff-endlessly refreshing to see if there are new bids and secretly willing that all the people 'watching' your item are going to want to buy it before it ends. It's an excellent way of getting rid of stuff and making money, both of which are kinda awesome.

-Coming to the tin of Christmas chocolates when it's nearly empty and discovering one of your favourites still left
For me? Strawberry creams, every time. Nom.

-Having the perfect number of something by coincidence
There's just something very pleasing about this-whether it's the perfect number of sweets to divide evenly between you and your friends or the perfect number of hooks to hang a curtain or what ever it might be. When there's exactly the number you needed and you didn't even have to try, it feels good.

-Buying someone something that they love
I really like getting presents for people-I like picking them out something that I think they will love and buying something that'll be really personal to them. It's such a good feeling when you give them their gifts and their faces light up as they open it, or when you see them using them all the time, or when you just know that they love them as much as you hoped they would.

-Bubblewrap
Pop. Pop pop pop. PoppoppoppoppoppoppoppopPOP. So much fun!
In case you haven't got any to hand, here's some virtual bubblewrap for you to enjoy, just because I'm nice ;)


Until next time,

-Jenni-

Previous Instalments: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Autumnal Edition

It's Been A Funny Old Year

This time last year I was sitting writing my end-of-year post and said "In 2013 I hope to get a "proper job", move out of my parent's house and into a space of my own and get my life safely back on the road to adulthood. I want to get back on stage and sing and do all the things I love again. Maybe even find a new boyfriend but for once it's not something I'm giving a high priority to. I'm going to have a kick ass awesome birthday to make up for this year's massive flop." and yet here I am, a year later, still sitting in my childhood bedroom and as unemployed as ever. In many ways, I feel like my life has been on hold this year because I've not really done anything with it-I've barely been on stage, I've not worked, I've spent a lot of money but don't have a whole heap to show for it!

[Source-Open Clip Art Library]

At times it's felt like someone's placed me on pause, in a timelock, and that my life only exists when I leave the house and go and do something, and this is something I'm going to work hard on changing next year.

2013 was the year of travelling around the country to visit various friends in their various houses, it was the year of me going on the dole, spending a few months feeling humiliated and worthless and then coming off it again, it was the year I got more into blogging than I ever have been before-across two entirely different blogs, no less, and I have enjoyed making many a new virtual friend. I found myself some penpals when I had nothing to do with my time and have loved sending letters across the world to some virtual strangers, as well as exchanging lots of postcards with lots of others. I've seen lots of good theatre, even if I haven't been in much, and I've laughed a lot. I did have a kick ass awesome birthday-in fact, I had two, and Christmas this year was also really brilliant. I've visited Sheffield hundreds of times and often felt home sick when I had to leave. I've also spent a lot of time not doing anything  at all but sitting at home in my pyjamas and I am more than a little sick of it. I've been to visit lots of potential houses/rooms in my beloved Sheffield and got turned down time and again-until I found somewhere that was perfect in late November. I was looking forward to moving back and kick starting my life again until I found out that that particular door had been cruelly slammed in my face too. I am now more determined than ever that in 2014 I will get back up there, and things are going to get better than they are now.

2013 was also the year that I, quite unexpectedly, fell in love all over again. I was never really looking for romance but it came along anyway and has taken me by surprise-it's reminded me how fun falling in love is, how awesome it is to have someone wonderful who cares about you and just wants to spend their time with you. I honestly can say I feel like a teenager again-it's been all fireworks and butterflies and blushing cheeks and stolen kisses. I found someone who thinks I am wonderful just as I am, who doesn't want to change me into someone else, and who isn't afraid of holding my hand in public, and for me at least, that's pretty incredible. Relationship-wise, I'm the happiest I have been in some years and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that things stay this good for a while. I realise this is turning into a bit of a soppy blog, and I apologise for that, but I'm just happy and contented, so please don't hold it against me too much.

So I can't really completely write 2013 off as a reject year. I've had my low moments, and have done nothing to progress my life further in any way but I've made some good memories too-with my friends, with my boyfriend, I've seen bits of the country I've not seen before and done some things I probably won't do again, and I think I've finally worked out what I want to do with my life...eventually. I've read lots of books, and have started a reading challenge, meaning I've got many more to read in the future-always a good thing. I'll be spending New Year's Eve surrounded by Light Entertainers (the very best of people) once again, and for the first time ever I have someone to kiss at midnight, which I intend to take full advantage of.

So long 2013. Hoping 2014 is full of more opportunities and things finally going my way so I can start living again.

See you next year!

-Jenni-