30 Posts of Truth-Part 10

10. Someone You Need To Let Go Of, Or Wish You Didn't Know

When I first read this list of blog prompts, I felt sure that this post was going to be another one about the Ex and the Ex-Best-Friend, how I needed to let them go and forget about them blah blah blah. What I had failed to anticipate though was that I might already have let them go by the time I reached number 10-and I think I covered my reasons for this pretty succinctly in truth number four. I'm glad to say that they're little more than a distant memory now, and while I still think about them from time to time, it's in a way that doesn't really have any emotions attached to it. They were shitty to me, but people are shitty sometimes and I don't need them any more.

So I had another think about it. Who is hanging over my life in a way that means I want to get rid of them, who do I wish I never had to see again, who is really bad for me so that I would be healthier without them in my life?

And I couldn't think of anyone. Right now I don't think there is anyone in my life who I would be better off without. Sure there are some people I like slightly more, some people I like slightly less, but there's no-one I wish I didn't know at all. And it's a wonderful revelation really-that everyone I call a friend is a friend who is good for me and good to me. I've had my share of troublesome friendships/relationships, the ones that turn you into someone you don't really want to be and I'm really glad that I don't have any of those influences on my life at the moment. 

So who do I need to let go of? Absolutely no-one. And that feels good.

-Jenni-

The Book List Challenge

[Source-Open Clip Art Library]

Recently, whilst browsing through Buzzfeed (the King of procrastination websites, if you didn't know-to the point where I've just lost half an hour on it instead of writing up this post...) I came across a list entitled '65 Books You Need To Read In Your 20s' which caught my interest enough for me to actually read it rather than just skim through it.
I was intrigued because it wasn't full of the usual books which seem to populate the numerous '101 books you should read before you die' lists that I've seen in various corners of the internet-lists that are usually full of archaic classics that people think will complete your life when you read them. Here's the thing (and call me a heathen if you like) but I don't really enjoy reading classics-I find them really difficult to get through and the story lines are tiresome and tedious. I really don't like the excessive amounts of detail in them-every little thing has paragraphs of unnecessary description that you have to wade your way through to get back to the important plot points and I just find it really rather dull. I can't say that I wouldn't enjoy the stories in  the end (as I've never really given them a chance) I'm just really unmotivated to actually try and find out really. If given a choice I would always prefer to read one of my gory, modern-day thrillers over a classic book, even if they are all almost the same. I will let you judge me as you will.

This book list though, is different, because it is mostly comprised of books that I've never even come across before-I've only heard of 3 or 4 of them, and I've only actually read one. Plus I love a challenge with a time limit-I'm in my 20s, I love reading, I could totally tackle 65+* books in 7 years. I could probably read them before I was 25 actually, if I had them all already in a nice, teetering stack, and didn't have to physically locate them all.

So there we go. I'm setting myself a challenge-complete the list before the end of my 20s (Deadline: 7/7/30). It means I'll read books from all around the world, from every genre and most importantly ones I probably wouldn't have chosen to read for myself. I'm always wanting to increase the range of books that I read because I do have a bad habit of sticking to the same genres again and again-essentially reading the same story a hundred times. (Seriously, if you want to know how to write a crime/thriller/police novel I can give you the perfect formula off the top of my head!)
I'm not saying I'll enjoy every book, but I will endeavour to read them all cover to cover (unless they turn out to be truly awful a few chapters in, to the point where I can't bear to read any more). The ones I love, I'll keep, the ones I'm not so fond of will go to a charity shop or back to the library (if I ever get around to setting myself up with a library card, that is!). I'll review them, if I remember, or at the very least record whether I enjoyed them or not. I'm not going to read them in the right order, and I'm not going to solely read books from the list because I've got 7 years to do it, I'm not in a big rush. I only need to read 10 a year or so to keep on track, and I probably read at least five times that each year.

Whatever happens, my bookcase will be full and my brain will be brimming with tales. It should be fun!

-Jenni-

*I say 65+ because some of them on the list are trilogies or series, so it's definitely a bit more than 65 in total.

P.S This is my 100th post, hurrah! Here's to the next 100 more, ey?
For all the updates and to see me talking about having a beard, like my Facebook page.

My Time With The Superbikes

From the Superbike website

I spent the past weekend "working" at Donington race track for the Superbikes World Championship weekend. My role has basically been to man an information point used mainly to give results out to riders and their teams. I was sat behind a table at the bottom of a flight of stairs, quite often with my nose in a book or scribbling down a new blog post in my notebook (Side note-I wrote this one while I was there too!). I actually rather enjoyed myself.

You know sometimes you get those really awful jobs, the ones where people don't even notice you or they do but they ignore you as if you weren't even there? The ones where you can feel a little bit of yourself being whittled away with each vacant stare until you feel as invisible as you must actually be for all these people to look through you as if you were nothing. Jobs like flyering, or those people who ask for money for charities in city centres (who everyone hates, lets face it) or the staff in fast food restaurants at 3 in the morning. Jobs that you do purely because you have to, not because you want to, where you can feel your spirit slowly dying with every passing minute?

This could have easily been one of those jobs. But this was not one of those jobs. Despite the fact that I was only there to give out bits of paper, despite the fact that I don't know anything about Superbikes, despite the fact people kept asking me questions I didn't have answers to-everyone said hello to me. Everyone who passed by my table on their way up/down the stairs smiled at me or greeted me in some way. I was literally the bottom most rung on the ladder in that place, and no-one there knew me at all, but everyone has been really nice to me.
I've had many conversations about the books I was reading-from joking remarks about how they hoped it wasn't Twilight or 50SoG to full on conversations asking whether they should read it themselves. People were constantly checking if I was warm enough (because my little patch of hallway was FREEZING), offered me wine gums or other sweets, or just a snippet of chit-chat as they passed by. I worked there for four days and already felt more valued than I had in some of my other places of work.
There was the odd occasion where people would sail right past me and my nicely stacked piles of results to ask the guy in the photocopy room for them directly, but most of the time he'd direct them back down to me anyway. I didn't really mind that-it could always be worse. At one point I saw two girls dressed in very very tight, very very white lycra body suits, decorated with a particular brand name and logo, wearing heels too high to actually walk in.
I mean really fellas, it's 2013, do we really still have to trick you into trying/buying something by putting it in the hands of scantily clad young ladies so you can ogle them for cheap kicks? She doesn't come with the free sample you know. If she was wearing clothes that meant you couldn't actually see her thong, would you shake your head in disgust and not be tempted?
"No, I wouldn't buy that product, she's wearing layers!"
"Euch, look how comfortable she looks! That's just not right."
I felt full of feminist ire (I had been reading Caitlin Moran in fairness) but at the same time I was rather relaxed and contented so couldn't get too outraged (I'll save that for another day!) because I'd had a weekend of people being really rather nice to me, reading good books and writing a large number of blog posts, (this one was my seventh, plus two half finished ones) so that I shouldn't struggle for content any time soon. Plus some of the bikers were rather easy on the eye so I was enjoying their visits too. (Hmm...does this make me as bad as the blokes gawping at the scantily clad ladies? I'll add it to the debate for another time.) I even got to see a race or two, too, which was obviously reallyfriggincool.

I won't miss the early starts though, and have been looking forward to my lie in this morning for days. Now I just have to find a way to keep myself amused this week whilst I've got the house to myself so I don't go either completely mad or completely nocturnal.

Goodbye Donington, you've been good to me (even if your icecreams are ridiculously expensive!)

-Jenni-

Dearest readers, if you enjoy what I do here please would you take a moment to go and vote for me and Rara (Jenni and Sarah) in this competition? We really want to win but we're lagging behind somewhat. Get your mum to vote, get your dad to vote, get your sisters, brothers, nan, dog, everyone you know to vote. If I win I promise you excellent blog posts about my trip (Blog posts may not be excellent) and cake (cake may not be possible) and undying gratitude and love (Virtually, nothing icky.) THAAAAAAAAAAAANKS.

30 Posts of Truth-Part 9

9. Someone You Didn't Want To Let Go Of, But Just Drifted

When I was at college (16-18) I had quite a few friends across my modules and subjects, some who I've kept and some who have sadly fallen by the wayside. I've always hated losing friends, there's always been people who I've not wanted to let drift out of my life but sometimes it seems inevitable.

My three closest friends at college were three guys that I used to hang around with a lot-we used to sit around nattering for hours after we'd finished for the day, claiming a bench in the local shopping centre or on a nice day finding a space in the market square. We used to do stuff at the weekends and in the holidays too-either all four of us or various combinations thereof. I spent a year going to gigs with them too, and I've never seen as many different bands in one time period as I did when we all hung out-it was really fun. 

But time passes, and people move on.

I had a sort of falling out with one member of the group in our gap year and though we eventually patched it up, things were never the same. We went to universities scattered across the country-Durham, Sheffield, Birmingham, Nottingham-and even when we were all in the same place we were revising, working or too poor too meet up often so we just grew away from each other. University changed us (as university does) into new people and I can hardly claim I know them any more. Last I heard they were all doing very well for themselves (certainly better than I am!) and are still scattered country-wide. We exchange friendly greetings on Facebook when it's someone's birthday or something exciting happens but that's about the limit of our interactions nowadays, which is fair enough really after 4 years of not seeing each other.

I can't say I mind too much any more either, we've all of us moved on to new places, new people, new adventures.

But if someone offered me a chance to have one day like it used to be, one day where I wasn't the one with the most hair, one more curry night or trip to the beach where I got pushed over in the sand and splashed in the sea, one more endless summer day laughing in the Market Square? Well I'd seize the chance with both hands because I'm sentimental, because we had a really good time together, because I collect memories like some people collect stamps, because they were really fun times and sometimes I still miss them.

If you're reading this boys, have a drink* for me.

-Jenni-

*Yes, it has to be a stupid girly drink that's bright pink or orange, with hardly any alcohol in it and only tasting of fruit, because that's how I roll =p

Diary Of A Scrounger

Ugh, even this makes me feel depressed

I've been on the dole for a little over two months now and they've already made me want to jack it all in again-if it weren't for the fact that I kinda need the money I probably would have by now. I'm a little in awe of anyone who chooses to deliberately live like this (like our dear government seems to think so many people are doing)-going in for fortnightly meetings, being moved around from person to person, having forms filled in for you (because of course they're much too complicated to do by yourself!) and jumping through all of the necessary hoops to keep them satisfied that you're actively looking for work-it's exhausting and humiliating. I can't understand why anyone would choose that as a life for themselves if they had any other options.

When I was sat there the other day having the appropriate form filled out for me, there was a box to fill in my National Insurance Number, so I rattled it off to the guy. He continued searching through the various bits of paper looking for it so I assumed he hadn't heard me. I told him it again, and this time he acknowledged that I'd spoken to him, yet he still found the appropriate bit of paper and copied it down as if I'd never opened my mouth. I just felt like a child, like I couldn't be trusted to know my own personal information and it had to be verified through another source.

On another occasion my advisor expressed surprise that I hadn't got a job if I was applying to all the ones I'd listed on their stupid form. I told her why-because I'm really crap at application forms-then asked if they had anything that could help me with that. She basically replied that they only really have workshops to help people who have never had a job and that there wouldn't be any point in me going on them because they wouldn't tell me anything I didn't already know. Apparently I have had too much work experience for the job centre to help me find a job...great. Oh and my degree, that confuses them every time. I sometimes have to wonder if I am the only person who's come through Higher Education who's ever stepped foot in that place, the way they goggle at me like I'm an alien. Clearly the concepts of a graduate failing at life is not something they encounter all that often at the good ol' dole office.

This week they didn't give me any money. I've been racking my brains trying to work out why this is, because as far as I know I'd done all that they had asked of me. Apparently I didn't jump through every hoop properly, or forgot to do something and therefore MUST BE PUNISHED. Now I'm kinda lucky in that I do have a little bit of spare money to play with-money that was ear marked out for driving lessons but is slowly but surely being consumed by trips to Sheffield and a new waterproof coat for this lovely British summer we're having etc. I'm not desperate for the dole money (yet!), but I can't help but wonder what would happen if I was? What if that £113 was all that I had to last me two weeks, and it got taken away with no prior warning, where would that leave me? I had a meeting with my advisor last week, she could have told me what I had neglected to do, given me some forewarning that I wouldn't be getting anything this week, pointed out my mistake so that I wouldn't do it again. Instead the first inkling I had that I was getting any money for (at least) this fortnight was when it wasn't in my bank account on Monday morning. If I'd have needed that money to, y'know, LIVE OFF, I would have been absolutely screwed: No food for me this week, I have nothing to buy it with. That's OK though, because I can't even pay for the bus trip to the supermarket because I have no money. Better not turn on any lights or use any hot water because I have nothing to pay the bills with.
I know I am lucky because these aren't problems I am actually facing, but Jesus, if the people who run the country think that people would actually choose to live like that, their livelihood decided by the whim of someone else, then they're bigger wankers than I thought they were. Here I was thinking the job centre actually want to help people. Fat chance.

-Jenni-

My dear readers, can I ask of you a huge favour? Me and my best friend Rara have made the final of a competition to win a holiday to Dublin but the result is decided by Facebook votes. Please can you spare a couple of seconds to go to this link and vote for 'Jenni and Sarah' to give us a shot? I would be forever grateful!
THANK YOU!